so i shall.

i am so ashamed of myself lately. i havent been doing anything right. ive been dissapointing friends, my mother, fuck my dads opinion, he sucks. i feel as though nothing ever goes right, and when i give my all for anything, it goes to shit. thats why i havent done anything for anyone lately. no one appreciates me. im looked at as the idiot who isnt passing high school, and on the verge of not graduating. im a smart fucking person, but i have so mch going on at home that NO ONE sees and i refuse to let anyone ever see it. i hate looking vulnerable, and i hate crying out for help. it even hurts more when my friends tease me saying im not smart, or i cant do any better. and them saying that is what makes me prove them right. where the fuck is the motivation? isnt that what friends do? i wouldnt know though.

im also very upset at how starting next week im barely ever gonna be able to see my mom. she starts her second fucking job soon, which is bogus. its sad that a woman with two children at home has to work two fucking jobs. fuck my dad, i blame him. he claims hes broke, but he has gotten two new brand new cars within the past 4 years, is on two salaries between him and his girlfriend, but cant afford to throw me $500 for a fucking car that my mom is paying the majority of it. fuck you peice of shit. he gave my brother everything. im never going to be successful.

i will never make it in this world.